WANTED: New Teenager

Want Ad for a New Teenager

Mother is searching for a new teenager, female, age 13-14.

Requirements:

1. No back talk.
2. Completes chores without being reminded more than once.
3. Does not need retraining on how to complete chores or what defines "complete," every week.
4. Gets out of bed before the crack of noon on days off.
5. Feeds and pays attention to the animal it swore it would for the rest of said animal's life.
6. Looks up from cell phone when responding to parent.
7. Responds to parent with some sort of acknowledgement that parent's request or information was received when teen is in another room.
8. Answers cell phone when parent calls so parent does not have to text other teens to relay messages to teen or to tell teen to answer phone.
9. Does not accumulate dishes and glassware in bedroom.
10. Understands that bedroom trash needs emptied when it starts to fall to the floor.
11. Understands that throwing something away means that the object hits the trash can and not the floor.
12. Does not ask to go to friend's house without having completed any regular chores.
13. Does not mess up without cleaning up.
14. Does not look to mom to pay for something teen wants at store when teen has money, but she 'left it at home.' Teen will be required to use purse and wallet provided by parent.
15. Does not require mom to regress to "mommy" status by having to: pick up after, remind to do homework, remind to study, caution that anything removed from stove/oven/microwave will be hot, clean up spills, clean up room, clean out closet and backpack, wipe crumbs off counters, and to require the utterance of "if I have to tell you one more time...."

No scheduled pay, but opportunity to pick up office-type work for $10/hour. Clothing, food and shelter provided until graduation from high school. Financial aid for college available, but not guaranteed -- teen's behavior and lifestyle choices will be considered. Car loan at age 16 negotiable based on full-time work ethic during summers and part-time on weekends during school. Above list of requirements to be modified as parent sees fit. Apply below.