Diabetes, Really? The Hell You Say.

So Paula Deen came out and admitted that she has diabetes, and she's known for three years. Big flippin' deal. Any thinking person that sees the way she cooks could surmise that she's a likely sufferer of the disease. Even if she hadn't come out of the sugar closet, I still wouldn't eat her food, or listen to her spouting on about how good something is. Yeah, well, triple layer chocolate cheesecake is good too, but you don't see me eating any more than a forkful if it's offered. A single plate of food from her kitchen should feed a table full of people based on the recommended caloric value for a meal. Anthony Bourdain wasn't completely off his rocker when he called Deen "the single most dangerous person in America." Her dishes ARE dangerous if you eat them, but if you've access to the Internet, magazines, doctors, or air you know you're not supposed to eat that way. I mean, come on people. 

I don't get why people are pissed that she didn't come forward sooner. Last time I checked there was no law on the books that said making your health information public was compulsory. I don't care if she made a deal with a pharmaceutical company either. I'm betting that her brand is going to suffer so much that the pharm company will drop her eventually. And I'm not wishing her any ill will. She's playing a marketing game and a company offered her a boatload of money to represent them. Rock on wit' yo bad self. She hasn't killed anyone. And people have done a lot worse to repair their brand by spinning a piece of bad press. Whatever. I'm more concerned at the messages the Kardashians are sending to kids.

We've bigger problems to worry about than people too stupid to realize that putting a hamburger between two donuts with bacon and an egg is the (Really Fat) Lady's Brunch Burger. I think that first part was bleeped out as "curse words" on her show.

WANTED: New Teenager

Want Ad for a New Teenager

Mother is searching for a new teenager, female, age 13-14.

Requirements:

1. No back talk.
2. Completes chores without being reminded more than once.
3. Does not need retraining on how to complete chores or what defines "complete," every week.
4. Gets out of bed before the crack of noon on days off.
5. Feeds and pays attention to the animal it swore it would for the rest of said animal's life.
6. Looks up from cell phone when responding to parent.
7. Responds to parent with some sort of acknowledgement that parent's request or information was received when teen is in another room.
8. Answers cell phone when parent calls so parent does not have to text other teens to relay messages to teen or to tell teen to answer phone.
9. Does not accumulate dishes and glassware in bedroom.
10. Understands that bedroom trash needs emptied when it starts to fall to the floor.
11. Understands that throwing something away means that the object hits the trash can and not the floor.
12. Does not ask to go to friend's house without having completed any regular chores.
13. Does not mess up without cleaning up.
14. Does not look to mom to pay for something teen wants at store when teen has money, but she 'left it at home.' Teen will be required to use purse and wallet provided by parent.
15. Does not require mom to regress to "mommy" status by having to: pick up after, remind to do homework, remind to study, caution that anything removed from stove/oven/microwave will be hot, clean up spills, clean up room, clean out closet and backpack, wipe crumbs off counters, and to require the utterance of "if I have to tell you one more time...."

No scheduled pay, but opportunity to pick up office-type work for $10/hour. Clothing, food and shelter provided until graduation from high school. Financial aid for college available, but not guaranteed -- teen's behavior and lifestyle choices will be considered. Car loan at age 16 negotiable based on full-time work ethic during summers and part-time on weekends during school. Above list of requirements to be modified as parent sees fit. Apply below.

Sometimes You Have to Be Brave

My Family's Coat of Arms

I love my clients. I don't love them all equally, and I don't love them all the time. There was one recently that was a supreme pain in the ass. I tried killing him with kindness. I bent over backwards to perfect every article, apply his edits with a song in my heart, and welcome the income his business was bringing to my house. He accused me of all sorts of things, undermined my work to others and yet continued to pay me for more services. Perhaps he believed he was pulling one over on me. The world is a lot smaller than many people believe. Turns out the man had a problem with smart, successful and happy women. So I cut him loose.

I can overcome my clients' fears and many of their objections by simply keeping the lines of communication open and flowing, and explanations forthcoming. But misogyny? I've no interest in trying to turn that shit around. In a down economy, sometimes you don't have a choice and have to work for idiots. I've been there lots of times, but I've found that when I stand up for myself, my time and my intelligence, the universe conspires to bring more success my way.

I'm still here, so it must be working.

Hey Buddy Can You Spare $40?

Thank God this is the holiday season, because I'm in a far more forgiving mood of the shenanigans of our Congress. I understand that the payroll tax break was supposed to be temporary. I get that people view it as a entitlement now. I don't get why it has to go back up to $40 per pay. Why doesn't Congress try half that amount and call it a day? And why does the House think they can bully the Senate into anything? Those Senators will be in office much longer than their House counterparts. The Senators can wait it out.

I don't like paying Social Security taxes any more than the next guy. As a self-employed person, I now get to pay double! Yippee! By the time I'm of age to collect my share, there will be much less 'share' for me to draw upon. I'll only receive a percentage of what I would have had I been born in the early baby boomer years. What really irks the hell out of me is the people on Social Security that shouldn't be on it because it was never designed for them. Disability, for example. Don't get me wrong, I understand that people are disabled and cannot work, or can only work part-time, but I don't think their checks should be drawn from the fund that working people pay into as a supplement to their retirement. I think the funds should have been separated long ago. Combining Medicaid and disability seems a more plausible marriage to me. As for people that have not worked outside the home, but still draw Social Security? I don't agree with that either. I understand that with the generations that are now 70 and up that many women did not work because the tradition was to stay at home and take care of the children. Okay, I'll give them that. After that generation, cut them off. People born in the 1950s were raised to work. ALL OF THEM. Social Security was not designed to pay for a man or woman with a degree that has chosen to do the "best thing for the children" and stay home to raise the kids for 18 years and then, well, they're too old to reenter the work force, right? Please. They can work from home at least and pay their damn Social Security taxes. There shouldn't be anyone drawing from the fund that hasn't had a damn job after separating out the disability quotient. It simply wasn't designed to provide for anyone else. 

Other people that shouldn't draw from Social Security? The very rich. Many look at that check as a joke. Many don't receive any distributions from it anyway because they earn too much off their investments. I know I heard stirrings of some Congress members wanting a law that if a person has $XX in assets they'll be ineligible for Social Security. Although the idea has merit, I'm not certain it's all that fair. Maybe make the person use up $XX in assets before they can draw Social Security.... kind of like Medicaid doesn't allow you to have $X in assets or you're ineligible for Medicaid. 

I'm sure these aren't going to be popular opinions or flawless ideas. But, they're no worse than what Congress has going at the moment and that's just bullying and a lot of name calling. Yep, that's always solved everything in the world. So happy they're continuing the tradition.

Every Woman Does Too Much

I might know one woman that doesn't do too much, but for the most part, my friends are performers. They run the kids to and fro, maintain the house, hold a job and attempt to work in some time for themselves. I'm not talking about time on the treadmill either. I'm talking about some quality down time for themselves. 

I have had a very tough time with quality time lately and have only been managing to get the last 5 minutes that my eyes are open. I delude myself into thinking that I'll climb the steps and actually have energy to get through more than a paragraph of the current book I'm reading.... or that I'll catch my journal up with all the things that still need to be chronicled. Yeah, reality creeps in when I wake up because the book has hit the floor or my head falls forward and wake up with the pen in my hand.

Living this way causes problems for me. I end up doing nothing for myself and begin sleepwalking through the moments. I don't like it when my daughter gets frustrated because I'm hearing words come out of her mouth, but I'm not listening... or I accidentally almost kill our rabbit by moving the couch, not knowing that the little furball has crawled under it (that's the Reader's Digest version). That latter incident woke me up this past week. I was literally shaking for two hours after discovering the confused, but thankfully unharmed bunny. I had to take a time out and come back to the world because I wasn't feeling part of it. I only felt it swirling around me, and it sucked. So I unplugged from just about everything. It did help. But I'm going to do it again this weekend because those few days weren't enough. When you've been ignoring your own needs for a long time, three or four days doesn't get you back to the routine of taking time out for yourself. You have to practice a few times for it to become ingrained. I figure I'm worth it.

Less is More... please.

I know a lot of friends with blogs, and truly, these people are terrific writers. I love reading their prose, but I have to fall out of love at around 500 words. I try to keep my blogs short. If one has ever reached 800 words, I probably should have had my writing privileges suspended for a week. People, at least not this people, do not have time to read a novella in blogs. Chances are if they are reading one blog, they're reading more. Do you truly want me to have to make the choice between reading your adventures and someone else's? I care, really I do, but I don't have unlimited time to care; not with so many other blogs vying for my attention. The more succinct your blog, the more likely I am to comment. Isn't that one thing that every blogger hopes to see when they've poured their heart and soul out into cyberspace... that lone soul who reaches out, grabs their hand and says "I HEAR YOU!"?

Look, I read The New York Times every morning, but if I have to cut short my reading time of a story that may contain information I need to know in order to live a lawful and healthy life because it's simply going to take me 15 minutes to read the entire thing, what makes you think I can read through all of yours? I'm still catching up to the new Facebook, haven't downloaded a new update for my cell phone and should probably be unthawing something for dinner. I got other things going on, and they're going on all at once. Just_like_everyone_else_I_know.

So please, in an effort to build your audience and increase your comments and "likes," give us the Reader's Digest version. It's worked for them for years.

Muffingate (or Maybe Washington Just Doesn't Like Us)

This is about Washington and their $16 muffins, not a vice squad sting. I just wanted to make that clear. Years ago the Pentagon got busted for their $400 hammers and $600 toilet seats (that last one must have wiped your ass for you), and now it's the Department of Justice and $16 muffins and $10 brownies. Those muffins must be made with some pretty exotic ingredients. Are they also Fair Trade? That could make them more expensive. The $10 brownies, well, sad to say, I've seen those in Chicago and New York in the past. They are almost worth the inflated price. 

Ever get the feeling that Washington just doesn't like us?

Ever think that once we put people in Washington, they adopt the "fuck 'em" mentality?

At a time when the economy is so bad that it's on everyone's minds and lips, why is shit like this happening? And who is the idiot who did the math and thought because the rooms were comped that the muffins were a good deal? How about this --> have your damn conference in a conference room and use video conferencing to link everyone. Those airlines are tacking on more fees in case you hadn't noticed. Free room + $16 muffins + $10 brownies + $$$$$ airfare =  REPEATING REMEDIAL MATH 

I worked at one of the country's largest law firms, and I tracked the budget for the worldwide litigation group. I was charged with watching the expenses of every conference around the firm and every meeting held in my little corner of the office. If a breakfast with Choices A was too expensive, Choices B was chosen. In my home, if I save $14 on the grocery bill because of coupons, I don't spend $42 extra in entertainment that week.   

Welcome to the next government shutdown....

It isn't rocket science; it's a budget. And I swear we need to elect extreme coupon queens.

American Hikers... not as forgiving...

Sorry guys, but if it had been up to me, you'd still be in jail. Or be in jail back in the U.S. for being a threat to national security.

You were arrogant idiots who apparently forgot that America has plenty of land that you can fucking hike if you want without the danger of having your ass handed to you.

You tested the relations between Iran and the United States and you're lucky that the President of Iran wants something from the U.N., or you'd probably still be sitting in your cell. I actually cheer the judge that let you sweat a little longer. You needed to truly understand the reality check.

Before I moved to Italy I had the benefit of a friend who schooled me well. I remember he said that although you can do many of the same things here.... hold a job, have an apartment, shop and sightsee, that the laws and rules are not the same. He told me that I would have to be careful and do my best to figure things out. And this was just Italy, we're talking about here...... This wise friend said 'the center of things that you know and take for granted will be different.'  I was lucky that he had lived all over the world and understood what it was that I needed to figure out quickly. It wasn't just the language.

So, yes, I get really pissed off when I hear of stupid people doing stupid things, getting arrested in a foreign country and then "hoping" America will pull in favors from around the world or owe a new favor to a country we may not want to be indebted to. How many times do people need to fucking see that Americans do not enjoy the same rights in another country that they do at home? You have NOOOO First Amendment rights. NOOOO rights to due process. Those two alone should be enough to prevent foreign arrests from happening as much as they do! Seriously!

Since the Middle East country of Oman has been at the center of both exchanges for these dumb asses, I'm wondering what they're going to ask for (and when) in return. Gee, I hope it's nothing that will threaten national security or eventually cause the death of any more Americans. Bet those idiots never thought of that.....

I feel for the mothers, but my kid better never do anything so stupid.