The "Need to" and "Shoulds"

Whenever I hear the words "you need to" or "you should" I wonder if I have "I need a mommy" written on my forehead. I may look young for my age (you can disagree with me), but I know I don't come off as 5... I'm way more than 5. More often than not I want to reply "you need to shut up" or "you should mind your own business."  I have enough of my own "shoulds" operating in my life. I should run the sweeper, go to the grocery store, clean out the car, go to bed earlier, date once in a while. I don't think there's room for another "should" on the list. After my list, I can always turn to "they say," "studies have shown," "the newest data from" and, of course, our government bureaus and departments. If I exhaust that list, I'll give you a call.


I learned many years ago that telling someone what to do, unless it's my daughter, doesn't really make my friendships better. In fact, it usually garners resentment. And any man that needs me to tell him what to do, is probably better off with a woman who'd rather have a pet, than a partner.


I'm fairly capable of existing without someone telling me what to do. If I ask for your advice, please offer it. And when I think you might need advice, I will do my level best to phrase it "if it were me....." or ask you if you want my advice. And if I forget -- "you need to shut up" is a perfect reminder.